I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
