u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
