k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
