New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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