i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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