i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
