I skipped work to stalk him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
