I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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