just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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