wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
