I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize