Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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