you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
