You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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