She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
