so that wasnt chicken after all
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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