You work out of a Hotel?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
