That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
