My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
