I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
