Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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