my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
