he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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