My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
