Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
