I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
