I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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