I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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