so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
