hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
