What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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