My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
