I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
