So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
