there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
