Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize