i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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