My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
