imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
