We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
