After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
