Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
