it wasn't lemon gatorade
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
