i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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