AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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