Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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