just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
