What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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