I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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