So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
