It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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