I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
