We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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