You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
