did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my phone needs a breathalizer
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
