I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When are your genitals available?
not ubering you a puppy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
