I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
