not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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