I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
