I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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