we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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