Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
