I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
