Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
