Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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