I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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