Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
