My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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