I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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