I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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