he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize