so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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