I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to fling myself into the sun
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
