U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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